Women who don’t truly trust other women. It’s almost a dirty sentence to read isn’t it?
There was once a time in life when I was afraid of other women. I was so damaged by my own mother that I shut down and was afraid to trust. So I kept my distance.
I surround myself with mostly male friends until one day a well-meaning friend tricked me into attending a women’s group under the guise of “come to a potluck with me”.
It was one of those groups that I’ve now grown to love – a circle of women supporting one other while sharing their hearts and vulnerability.
Inevitably I found myself in the middle of that circle collapsed in a heap of tears as I watched my heart break open and my guards drop away. Those dear women surrounded me with open hearts and caring faces, and I realized not every woman was out to hurt me in the ways I’d been hurt early in life.
So if you’re a woman who was once hurt by the feminine, here are a few ways to slowly melt your guard.
1. The next time you find yourself surrounded by women, scan your body.
Your body is the greatest thermometer to gauge your openness. Where are you clenching? When you’re not relaxed, chances are you’re lost in the story between your ears telling you that you’re not safe. Can you breathe into those tight areas and allow them to relax?
2. Get comfortable with eye contact.
Stop yourself from instantly trying to make small talk when you meet another woman and instead simply look into her eyes and breath. Don’t try to fill empty spaces with nervous chatter, simply be in the moment and allow yourself to experience her presence without trying to control anything.
3. Watch your small mind go into instant evaluation (that would be the voice between your ears).
When you’re in the presence of another woman are you trying to figure out if she’s safe? Are you instantly judging her as good or bad? Better than you or less than? Simply observe yourself and don’t buy into your small scared voice.
4. Let yourself be curious about her.
Keep in mind that she like you, has fears, worries, hopes and dreams. We all cry alone. Remind yourself that while you might seem different from one another, there’s a good chance those differences below the surface probably aren’t that vast. Be curious and simply ask questions to get to know her.
We can’t reject other women without rejecting a part of ourselves. When we reclaim our place at the table by getting over old fears, we join the tribe.
Your tribe is waiting for you.
Tamara Star
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