An Open Letter To My Body: I’m Sorry for All that Crap I Ate! (Humor)

An Open Letter To My Body: I'm Sorry

I am healthy, full of energy and take a good care of my body. But it wasn’t always this way. A short 4 years ago I was 40 pounds heavier and my health suffered badly. I used to abuse my body with processed packaged foods, excess caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol.

I got a wakeup call in 2010, and that’s when I started slowly changing my diet and lifestyle. I have recently found this letter to my body which I wrote somewhere near the beginning of my journey. I thought many women could relate to it, therefore I’d love to share it with you with a side of humor.

Dear Body,

Forgive me. I’m sorry for abusing you and for not giving you enough nourishment, attention and love.

I want you to know that I deeply care about you and truly appreciate everything you do for me. You work 24/7, take no breaks or annual leave! Wow, now when I think about it – I’m impressed. The more I learn about how hard you work, and about all your functions and miraculous tricks (yes, to me you’re a pretty miraculous machine!), the more I love you.

At the same time, I feel very guilty about all that caffeine, alcohol and tobacco I put in you… Oops, sorry. Will you ever forgive me? I must admit, I feel even more guilty about criticising your butt (or should I say *our* butt?) (hello, cellulite!), bloated belly and chubby arms. Now I know that you’re just storing all that fat and toxins in our fat cells because you want to protect our vital organs, for example, my brain and my heart, from the damage these toxins may cause.

I was also angry at you when you were trying to hold onto that water in our tissues, so I looked even fatter and heavier… I was so unhappy about it and was blaming my “genes” for the tendency to retain liquid. But in fact, you were just doing the best you could, since I made you dehydrated with all that red wine, 5 daily cups of coffee and all that sodium-packed processed food.

I was so stupid I didn’t appreciate you and was mad when you stopped functioning and were trying to send me signals through my infections, aches and pains, allergic rashes, low energy and cravings. Talking about the cravings, sorry for misinterpreting them… I guess you just wanted some iron and I fed you a whole block of processed milk chocolate.

Give me a chance to fix it. I love you so much! You’re the best home I could ever ask for. Seriously, I appreciate you so much for all you’ve done to me for over 2 decades.

I know you liked that veggie juice this morning. Get excited – more good stuff is coming your way! Nourishing fruit and veggies, green juices, plenty of clean water for proper (finally!) hydration, lots of sleep (promise to go to bed earlier) and rest.

Once again, I love you and promise to take care of you and be the best “tenant” in the entire world.

With love,


Osha Key